The Motherf…ing Script

When you have to do some repetitive activity, you often receive a script to follow, ‘because well, that’s what the employer wants. This is a very good thing, because the script helps you to actually put into practice the company’s strategy for all its locations, like some sort of prompter meant to refresh the memory.


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However, when you just recite the poetry with no connection to the client’s story, the impact is negative.

I went to a restaurant famous all over the world. So famous, that you recognize the smell from miles. In this restaurant all the products have the same taste no matter which country you are in, so of course this is subject to plenty of scripts.

Well, I stopped at the drive-in window on a Friday morning. I am sure you haven’t realized by now about which restaurant I am talking (we don’t disclose its name) and ask for something with no meat. After I choose the product, the script question pops out from the employee’s mouth, ‘because it was written there:

– Would you like extra bacon?!?!

Dude, I got blocked and no, not by a stiff back. I answered no, thank you, that’s why I asked for something without meat…

Getting back to the importance of scripts, they help a lot when cross selling or up selling, but not without logic.

Some other examples from the same registry:

  • When buying a motorcycle: – Do you want the brakes as well?
  • When buying a wedding cake: – Are you eating it here?
  • When buying condoms: Would you also like a pregnancy test?
  • When you buy sandals: Would you like some white socks to go with these?
  • When you cancel a card due to the decease of the owner: The card holder must come and fill in the cancellation request!
  • When your keyboard is not working at all: Press CTRL+ALT+DEL!
  • When you want to purchase an electric car: Would you like a diesel engine?
  • When you buy a classy, old school suit: Would you like some matching shorts?

If you have to meet an “extra” sales target, you need to create a speech to convince the customer, but be careful when moving the script down the stairs, so you don’t break the piano.

What should you do during an interaction with a customer, following or not the company scripts:

  • Use clear terminology;
  • Don’t say “This is our policy and you just have to comply”;
  • Never say the supervisor is not available if needed;
  • Don’t say “this is not my problem”;
  • Don’t blame a colleague even if he is to blame. You represent the company, and the customer doesn’t care who made the mistake;
  • Don’t turn into a robot who follows blindly the company policies and procedures and if the power goes out you get stuck on the escalator;
  • No conversation can unfold 100% based on script; you must have a natural dialogue with the customers.

Good luck being logic!

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